MIRACLE FRUIT

For those of you who love sugar, but swell up or break out whenever you eat so much as a breath mint, we have a cure. The miracle food makes life vivid and great without being illegal. It's a bean that you suck on for about a minute and it makes everything taste sweet for up to a few hours. It's a red bean and sells for $2 a bean or you can buy 300 beans for $360 from an online Florida grower. The beans make beer taste like a chocolate milkshake, potatoes taste like cotton candy, and famously, lemons like candy. No side effects or allergies have been reported. These beans are the hot thing in New York right now and we've been to bean parties where you pay $15-$20 and are given a bean to suck on and then various usually salty foods. As if we weren't already sold after the first chocolate-tasting piece of cheese. They also make perfect gifts!