Thursday, August 30, 2012

PLL and Sex

We've noticed that 4 bitches is the name of the game since our fav 2000s drama, Sex & The City. There was concrete jungle early in the decade starring Brooke Shields and her eyebrows, Desperate Housewives which was pretty fab if you're into MILFs, Girls, and now theres Pretty Little Liars. We've pretty much steered clear of anything on ABC family since, like, ever, especially now that they've joined on the TV show about a teen slut that fucked up her life by not taking the pill, or even plan B, like what did you expect?! But the constant media attention surrounding this show and snapshots of the show blowing up our Tumblr and Twitter timelines has caused us to tune in, and we are the first to realize that it smells of Sex & the City minus the now vintage hand-me-downs.

Aria embodies Carrie because they both have stupid fucking issues that they constantly bitch about. Like who cares that your parents are having issues, now you get to whore around and be your BF's jailbait while Mommy thinks you're at Daddy's place and vise verse. Also the clothes, we mean Carrie touted vintage while Aria takes it upon herself to hunt for clothes in the sale bin of Rosewood's own Salvation Army, but its kind of the same thing right, if you're poor.

Hannah's curvy body and high-school-provocative outfits indubitably wreak of the same Chanel Mademoiselle worn by Samantha Jones herself. They're both the hottest and therefore the true stars of the show and have self esteem issues (on opposite ends of the spectrum, ovbi). Their self control is almost as lacking as our interest in a show about bland highschoolers being blackmailed by someone in black leather gloves that aren't even Hermes-seriously, how much damage could they do.

Emily is Miranda. Hello, dyke! We know that Miranda wasn't exactly a muff diver on the show but we always had an inkling that she inked her pantsuit for anything leggy and busty despite the RJ Burger-esque man she was always whining about. And Spencer is kinda like Miranda  too 'cause they're both certifiably fugly and dress like they're trying to hide a chastity belt. But mostly she's Charlotte because they have that whole preppy-by-default-because-my-parents-are-the-stuck-up-kind-of-rich thing going on that totally works for them. And finally Spence pulled the twig out of her ass and let something only slightly bigger to take its place when she shed her khakis for Toby. First of all, we thought his sister was the one with vision issues and secondly they could pass for sibs, what with the matching cleft chins, but we hear he has a thing for incest. So tune in in October to see yourself some Pretty Little Liars, and Spencer.

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